born into this mess
Saturday, September 23, 2006
functioning at 2.3G
this is a whinge alert. if you dont want to read my musings on misery, close this window.
i used to be so depressed that i had trouble participating in conversation. i just felt kind of scraped raw inside, hollowed out and wind whistling through my lungs and out through my eyes and ears. sometimes all this bile would come flowing out of me and it we be so much that i'd double up and start sobbing.
i don't feel particularly depressed anymore. i really want to go to picnics in the sunshine and to shows at dark party bars. i want to laugh and talk and dance. i wish it could happen to me.
i used to love the rain. it was great to sit outside on that couch in the carport at Decleyre or on the porch swing at Felix. we'd roll cigarettes and listen to will oldham through someone's half-opened bedroom window.
it makes my face feel swollen. pressure over my eyes. in my vertebrae, my shoulders, my knees. my bones are made of lead or something heavier. in this kind of gravity it gets hard to keep moving. i wobble when i stand still, and stumble often over my cold granite feet. there's a sort of resignation to it. i'd love to have more energy, to be lighter, and i certainly dont want to make other people be around me when i am like this.
i've become forgetful and self-centered. sometimes it's just me and the sickness no matter how many people are involved in the conversation. i think i am letting it win somehow, but i dont know how to stop. the generals of this army got lost somewhere in that first long move from menlo park to atlanta. self pity tears are my missiles. my words are nerve gas. i'm about as pleasant to be around as an armed conflict.
it is frightening to feel like this. how can the sickness be winning. i dont understand what i did for my body to feel like this.
i wish i could pay my library fines. i really just want to hole up and read today.
|
this is a whinge alert. if you dont want to read my musings on misery, close this window.
i used to be so depressed that i had trouble participating in conversation. i just felt kind of scraped raw inside, hollowed out and wind whistling through my lungs and out through my eyes and ears. sometimes all this bile would come flowing out of me and it we be so much that i'd double up and start sobbing.
i don't feel particularly depressed anymore. i really want to go to picnics in the sunshine and to shows at dark party bars. i want to laugh and talk and dance. i wish it could happen to me.
i used to love the rain. it was great to sit outside on that couch in the carport at Decleyre or on the porch swing at Felix. we'd roll cigarettes and listen to will oldham through someone's half-opened bedroom window.
it makes my face feel swollen. pressure over my eyes. in my vertebrae, my shoulders, my knees. my bones are made of lead or something heavier. in this kind of gravity it gets hard to keep moving. i wobble when i stand still, and stumble often over my cold granite feet. there's a sort of resignation to it. i'd love to have more energy, to be lighter, and i certainly dont want to make other people be around me when i am like this.
i've become forgetful and self-centered. sometimes it's just me and the sickness no matter how many people are involved in the conversation. i think i am letting it win somehow, but i dont know how to stop. the generals of this army got lost somewhere in that first long move from menlo park to atlanta. self pity tears are my missiles. my words are nerve gas. i'm about as pleasant to be around as an armed conflict.
it is frightening to feel like this. how can the sickness be winning. i dont understand what i did for my body to feel like this.
i wish i could pay my library fines. i really just want to hole up and read today.
Sunday, April 23, 2006
yeah, so
Sometime last summer I took off for Chicago for a week. When I got back I started packing. Got here in November, made it through the winter largely by spending obsessive amounts of time on the internet.
It's gorgeous here, and I'm spending my day off on the beach.
And that's all I have to say about that.
|
Sometime last summer I took off for Chicago for a week. When I got back I started packing. Got here in November, made it through the winter largely by spending obsessive amounts of time on the internet.
It's gorgeous here, and I'm spending my day off on the beach.
And that's all I have to say about that.
Monday, September 19, 2005
Poem for Monday, September 19, 2005
Tears
by Allen Ginsberg
I’m crying all the time now.
I cried all over the street when I left the Seattle Wobbly Hall.
I cried listening to Bach.
I cried looking at the happy flowers in my backyard,
I cried at the sadness of the middle-aged trees.
Happiness exists I feel it.
I cried for my soul, I cried for the world’s soul.
The world has a beautiful soul.
God appearing to be seen and cried over. Overflowing
heart of Patterson.
|
Tears
by Allen Ginsberg
I’m crying all the time now.
I cried all over the street when I left the Seattle Wobbly Hall.
I cried listening to Bach.
I cried looking at the happy flowers in my backyard,
I cried at the sadness of the middle-aged trees.
Happiness exists I feel it.
I cried for my soul, I cried for the world’s soul.
The world has a beautiful soul.
God appearing to be seen and cried over. Overflowing
heart of Patterson.
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
how does it make you feel?
A Letter to All Who Voted for George W. Bush from Michael Moore
To All My Fellow Americans Who Voted for George W. Bush:
On this, the fourth anniversary of 9/11, I'm just curious, how does it feel?
How does it feel to know that the man you elected to lead us after we were attacked went ahead and put a guy in charge of FEMA whose main qualification was that he ran horse shows?
That's right. Horse shows.
I really want to know -- and I ask you this in all sincerity and with all due respect -- how do you feel about the utter contempt Mr. Bush has shown for your safety? C'mon, give me just a moment of honesty. Don't start ranting on about how this disaster in New Orleans was the fault of one of the poorest cities in America. Put aside your hatred of Democrats and liberals and anyone with the last name of Clinton. Just look me in the eye and tell me our President did the right thing after 9/11 by naming a horse show runner as the top man to protect us in case of an emergency or catastrophe.
I want you to put aside your self-affixed label of Republican/conservative/born-again/capitalist/ditto-head/right-winger and just talk to me as an American, on the common ground we both call America.
Are we safer now than before 9/11? When you learn that behind the horse show runner, the ..2 and ..3 men in charge of emergency preparedness have zero experience in emergency preparedness, do you think we are safer?
When you look at Michael Chertoff, the head of Homeland Security, a man with little experience in national security, do you feel secure?
When men who never served in the military and have never seen young men die in battle send our young people off to war, do you think they know how to conduct a war? Do they know what it means to have your legs blown off for a threat that was never there?
Do you really believe that turning over important government services to private corporations has resulted in better services for the people?
Why do you hate our federal government so much? You have voted for politicians for the past 25 years whose main goal has been to de-fund the federal government. Do you think that cutting federal programs like FEMA and the Army Corps of Engineers has been good or bad for America? GOOD OR BAD?
With the nation's debt at an all-time high, do you think tax cuts for the rich are still a good idea? Will you give yours back so hundreds of thousands of homeless in New Orleans can have a home?
Do you believe in Jesus? Really? Didn't he say that we would be judged by how we treat the least among us? Hurricane Katrina came in and blew off the facade that we were a nation with liberty and justice for all. The wind howled and the water rose and what was revealed was that the poor in America shall be left to suffer and die while the President of the United States fiddles and tells them to eat cake.
That's not a joke. The day the hurricane hit and the levees broke, Mr. Bush, John McCain and their rich pals were stuffing themselves with cake. A full day after the levees broke (the same levees whose repair funding he had cut), Mr. Bush was playing a guitar some country singer gave him. All this while New Orleans sank under water.
It would take ANOTHER day before the President would do a flyover in his jumbo jet, peeking out the widow at the misery 2500 feet below him as he flew back to his second home in DC. It would then be TWO MORE DAYS before a trickle of federal aid and troops would arrive. This was no seven minutes in a sitting trance while children read "My Pet Goat" to him. This was FOUR DAYS of doing nothing other than saying "Brownie (FEMA director Michael Brown), you're doing a heck of a job!"
My Republican friends, does it bother you that we are the laughing stock of the world?
And on this sacred day of remembrance, do you think we honor or shame those who died on 9/11/01? If we learned nothing and find ourselves today every bit as vulnerable and unprepared as we were on that bright sunny morning, then did the 3,000 die in vain?
Our vulnerability is not just about dealing with terrorists or natural disasters. We are vulnerable and unsafe because we allow one in eight Americans to live in horrible poverty. We accept an education system where one in six children never graduate and most of those who do can't string a coherent sentence together. The middle class can't pay the mortgage or the hospital bills and 45 million have no health coverage whatsoever.
Are we safe? Do you really feel safe? You can only move so far out and build so many gated communities before the fruit of what you've sown will be crashing through your walls and demanding retribution. Do you really want to wait until that happens? Or is it your hope that if they are left alone long enough to soil themselves and shoot themselves and drown in the filth that fills the street that maybe the problem will somehow go away?
I know you know better. You gave the country and the world a man who wasn't up for the job and all he does is hire people who aren't up for the job. You did this to us, to the world, to the people of New Orleans. Please fix it. Bush is yours. And you know, for our peace and safety and security, this has to be fixed. What do you propose?
I have an idea, and it isn't a horse show.
Yours,
Michael Moore
|
A Letter to All Who Voted for George W. Bush from Michael Moore
To All My Fellow Americans Who Voted for George W. Bush:
On this, the fourth anniversary of 9/11, I'm just curious, how does it feel?
How does it feel to know that the man you elected to lead us after we were attacked went ahead and put a guy in charge of FEMA whose main qualification was that he ran horse shows?
That's right. Horse shows.
I really want to know -- and I ask you this in all sincerity and with all due respect -- how do you feel about the utter contempt Mr. Bush has shown for your safety? C'mon, give me just a moment of honesty. Don't start ranting on about how this disaster in New Orleans was the fault of one of the poorest cities in America. Put aside your hatred of Democrats and liberals and anyone with the last name of Clinton. Just look me in the eye and tell me our President did the right thing after 9/11 by naming a horse show runner as the top man to protect us in case of an emergency or catastrophe.
I want you to put aside your self-affixed label of Republican/conservative/born-again/capitalist/ditto-head/right-winger and just talk to me as an American, on the common ground we both call America.
Are we safer now than before 9/11? When you learn that behind the horse show runner, the ..2 and ..3 men in charge of emergency preparedness have zero experience in emergency preparedness, do you think we are safer?
When you look at Michael Chertoff, the head of Homeland Security, a man with little experience in national security, do you feel secure?
When men who never served in the military and have never seen young men die in battle send our young people off to war, do you think they know how to conduct a war? Do they know what it means to have your legs blown off for a threat that was never there?
Do you really believe that turning over important government services to private corporations has resulted in better services for the people?
Why do you hate our federal government so much? You have voted for politicians for the past 25 years whose main goal has been to de-fund the federal government. Do you think that cutting federal programs like FEMA and the Army Corps of Engineers has been good or bad for America? GOOD OR BAD?
With the nation's debt at an all-time high, do you think tax cuts for the rich are still a good idea? Will you give yours back so hundreds of thousands of homeless in New Orleans can have a home?
Do you believe in Jesus? Really? Didn't he say that we would be judged by how we treat the least among us? Hurricane Katrina came in and blew off the facade that we were a nation with liberty and justice for all. The wind howled and the water rose and what was revealed was that the poor in America shall be left to suffer and die while the President of the United States fiddles and tells them to eat cake.
That's not a joke. The day the hurricane hit and the levees broke, Mr. Bush, John McCain and their rich pals were stuffing themselves with cake. A full day after the levees broke (the same levees whose repair funding he had cut), Mr. Bush was playing a guitar some country singer gave him. All this while New Orleans sank under water.
It would take ANOTHER day before the President would do a flyover in his jumbo jet, peeking out the widow at the misery 2500 feet below him as he flew back to his second home in DC. It would then be TWO MORE DAYS before a trickle of federal aid and troops would arrive. This was no seven minutes in a sitting trance while children read "My Pet Goat" to him. This was FOUR DAYS of doing nothing other than saying "Brownie (FEMA director Michael Brown), you're doing a heck of a job!"
My Republican friends, does it bother you that we are the laughing stock of the world?
And on this sacred day of remembrance, do you think we honor or shame those who died on 9/11/01? If we learned nothing and find ourselves today every bit as vulnerable and unprepared as we were on that bright sunny morning, then did the 3,000 die in vain?
Our vulnerability is not just about dealing with terrorists or natural disasters. We are vulnerable and unsafe because we allow one in eight Americans to live in horrible poverty. We accept an education system where one in six children never graduate and most of those who do can't string a coherent sentence together. The middle class can't pay the mortgage or the hospital bills and 45 million have no health coverage whatsoever.
Are we safe? Do you really feel safe? You can only move so far out and build so many gated communities before the fruit of what you've sown will be crashing through your walls and demanding retribution. Do you really want to wait until that happens? Or is it your hope that if they are left alone long enough to soil themselves and shoot themselves and drown in the filth that fills the street that maybe the problem will somehow go away?
I know you know better. You gave the country and the world a man who wasn't up for the job and all he does is hire people who aren't up for the job. You did this to us, to the world, to the people of New Orleans. Please fix it. Bush is yours. And you know, for our peace and safety and security, this has to be fixed. What do you propose?
I have an idea, and it isn't a horse show.
Yours,
Michael Moore
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
|
Monday, August 08, 2005
Poem for Monday, August 8th
Two Short Poems
from “Short Poems 1994”
by Kathleen Raine
So far, so good.
And when the pain comes
I talk to God.
untitled
by Kikaku
Above the boat,
bellies
of wild geese.
Burke's Book Store
1719 Poplar Avenue
Memphis, TN 38104
(901) 278-7484
www.burkesbooks.com
Winner of Best of Memphis in Memphis Flyer
for 7 Straight Years
|
Two Short Poems
from “Short Poems 1994”
by Kathleen Raine
So far, so good.
And when the pain comes
I talk to God.
untitled
by Kikaku
Above the boat,
bellies
of wild geese.
Burke's Book Store
1719 Poplar Avenue
Memphis, TN 38104
(901) 278-7484
www.burkesbooks.com
Winner of Best of Memphis in Memphis Flyer
for 7 Straight Years
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
sue is jacketed for transport to the lab
from googlism.com
sue is human
sue is going au natural
sue is the largest
sue is great
sue is handling the $$$
sue is coming to fresno
sue is goo goo for johnny
sue is gone
sue is mary sue is mary sue*"
sue is coming
sue is gay
sue is one of glendale area's
sue is on the web
sue is a champion
sue is a
sue is alive and well'
sue is human leander kahney
sue is that you? or
sue is so perfect in the author's mind that she soon takes over the story and everything revolves around her
sue is great i just wanted to say that sue thought about this
sue is gone i am not an actor but i've been on stage since she left
sue is jacketed for transport to the lab
sue is a permanent feature at the field museum
sue is prohibited
sue is my middle name
sue is all about
sue is mary sue is mary sue
sue is set out in the limitations act
sue is a fan created character
sue is in
sue is pure class
sue is here to help
sue is for sale
sue is currently working with dr
sue is
sue is very special
sue is shown finishing her championship in merritt
sue is an icon
sue is a member of a select group in the accounting industry
sue is born
sue is proud of her new body and shows it off on national tv
sue is so good that she plays her flute at weddings
sue is right
sue is creative
sue is largely responsible for
sue is a pet
sue is an
sue is the perky
sue is vigilant in ensuring that the children's needs are met
sue is working very well
sue is a post a comment name
sue is basically wish fulfillment
sue is a real estate agent that is known in the community of brunswick for their dedicated client service
sue is always ready to help students get their paperwork done for graduation
sue is taught to see herself within victorian sexual ideology
sue is susannah weaver and a band of local professionals
sue is an indiana university alumna
sue is a goddess challenge
sue is one of our many world
sue is passionate about working with rural communities that are struggling to manage change
sue is in the hospi tal
sue is about 5'5"
sue is out in the snow
sue is the third person from the right side
sue is basically an avatar
sue is not just an aerobic star
sue is the biggest thing to hit union station since the titanic set sail
sue is remarkable because of her size
sue is at the florida museum of natural history
sue is having twins
sue is also an instructor for arts for the aging
sue is an advocate for media literacy
sue is actually a lesbian
sue is concerned about global warming
sue is expected to take more than two years
sue is a trained mechanic
sue is mother of john
sue is sane
sue is a woman
sue is alive and well 17 quilts featuring sunbonnet sue and overall sam autori
sue is an engineering process for accurately identifying the quality of subsurface utility information needed for highway plans
sue is my best friend
sue is the mother of four children
sue is the light of my life
sue is also qualified as an iso internal auditor
sue is professor of psychology at the california school of professional psychology
sue is human
sue is going au natural
sue is the largest
sue is handling the $$$
sue is coming to fresno
sue is miss september angelbabe 2002
sue is goo goo for johnny
sue is mary sue is mary sue*"
sue is my middle name
sue is jacketed for transport to the lab
sue is prohibited
sue is gone
sue is pure class
sue is in town
sue is gay
sue is desponded's
sue is one of glendale area's
sue is alive and well
sue is alive and well'
sue is human leander kahney
sue is that you? or
sue is so perfect in the author's mind that she soon takes over the story and everything revolves around her
sue is great
sue is a site
sue is nothing new
sue is miss september angelbabe
sue is all about
sue is mary sue is mary sue
sue is set out in the limitations act
sue is a permanent feature at the field museum
sue is a fan created character
sue is gone i am not an actor but i've been on stage since she left
sue is here to help
sue is currently working with dr
sue is in
sue is very special
sue is a member of a select group in the accounting industry
sue is born
sue is serving up the easter bunny this year
sue is largely responsible for coordinating and scheduling activities of bbi international president mike bryan
sue is not an exclusively female phenomenon
sue is vigilant in ensuring that the children's needs are met
sue is an examiner for
sue is a pot plant that has a built
sue is basically an avatar
sue is a pet
sue is so good that she plays her flute at weddings
sue is for sale
sue is currently under the "care" of the south dakota school of mines and technology staff at the museum of geology
sue is the perky
sue is taught to see herself within victorian sexual ideology
sue is basically wish fulfillment
sue is susannah weaver and a band of local professionals
sue is always ready to help students get their paperwork done for graduation
sue is having twins
sue is a real estate agent that is known in the community of brunswick for their dedicated client service
sue is friendly and loves to converse with her members
sue is working very well
sue is the biggest thing to hit union station since the titanic set sail
sue is a trained mechanic
sue is remarkable because of her size
sue is correct
sue is one of our many world
sue is actually a lesbian
sue is in the hospi tal
sue is out in the snow
sue is an icon
sue is concerned about global warming
sue is available for clinics and lessons at home and abroad and explains in plain english
sue is mother of john
sue is focusing on the season and improving her game
sue is one of disney's top booking agents in the northeastern us
sue is my best friend
sue is alive and well 17 quilts featuring sunbonnet sue and overall sam autori
sue is the light of my life
sue is battling her own depression
sue is taking the league by
sue is the mother of four children
sue is revision 2 of the same program
sue is sane
sue is a graduate of western michigan university
sue is
sue is a very special dinosaur
sue is?
sue is unconscious
|
from googlism.com
sue is human
sue is going au natural
sue is the largest
sue is great
sue is handling the $$$
sue is coming to fresno
sue is goo goo for johnny
sue is gone
sue is mary sue is mary sue*"
sue is coming
sue is gay
sue is one of glendale area's
sue is on the web
sue is a champion
sue is a
sue is alive and well'
sue is human leander kahney
sue is that you? or
sue is so perfect in the author's mind that she soon takes over the story and everything revolves around her
sue is great i just wanted to say that sue thought about this
sue is gone i am not an actor but i've been on stage since she left
sue is jacketed for transport to the lab
sue is a permanent feature at the field museum
sue is prohibited
sue is my middle name
sue is all about
sue is mary sue is mary sue
sue is set out in the limitations act
sue is a fan created character
sue is in
sue is pure class
sue is here to help
sue is for sale
sue is currently working with dr
sue is
sue is very special
sue is shown finishing her championship in merritt
sue is an icon
sue is a member of a select group in the accounting industry
sue is born
sue is proud of her new body and shows it off on national tv
sue is so good that she plays her flute at weddings
sue is right
sue is creative
sue is largely responsible for
sue is a pet
sue is an
sue is the perky
sue is vigilant in ensuring that the children's needs are met
sue is working very well
sue is a post a comment name
sue is basically wish fulfillment
sue is a real estate agent that is known in the community of brunswick for their dedicated client service
sue is always ready to help students get their paperwork done for graduation
sue is taught to see herself within victorian sexual ideology
sue is susannah weaver and a band of local professionals
sue is an indiana university alumna
sue is a goddess challenge
sue is one of our many world
sue is passionate about working with rural communities that are struggling to manage change
sue is in the hospi tal
sue is about 5'5"
sue is out in the snow
sue is the third person from the right side
sue is basically an avatar
sue is not just an aerobic star
sue is the biggest thing to hit union station since the titanic set sail
sue is remarkable because of her size
sue is at the florida museum of natural history
sue is having twins
sue is also an instructor for arts for the aging
sue is an advocate for media literacy
sue is actually a lesbian
sue is concerned about global warming
sue is expected to take more than two years
sue is a trained mechanic
sue is mother of john
sue is sane
sue is a woman
sue is alive and well 17 quilts featuring sunbonnet sue and overall sam autori
sue is an engineering process for accurately identifying the quality of subsurface utility information needed for highway plans
sue is my best friend
sue is the mother of four children
sue is the light of my life
sue is also qualified as an iso internal auditor
sue is professor of psychology at the california school of professional psychology
sue is human
sue is going au natural
sue is the largest
sue is handling the $$$
sue is coming to fresno
sue is miss september angelbabe 2002
sue is goo goo for johnny
sue is mary sue is mary sue*"
sue is my middle name
sue is jacketed for transport to the lab
sue is prohibited
sue is gone
sue is pure class
sue is in town
sue is gay
sue is desponded's
sue is one of glendale area's
sue is alive and well
sue is alive and well'
sue is human leander kahney
sue is that you? or
sue is so perfect in the author's mind that she soon takes over the story and everything revolves around her
sue is great
sue is a site
sue is nothing new
sue is miss september angelbabe
sue is all about
sue is mary sue is mary sue
sue is set out in the limitations act
sue is a permanent feature at the field museum
sue is a fan created character
sue is gone i am not an actor but i've been on stage since she left
sue is here to help
sue is currently working with dr
sue is in
sue is very special
sue is a member of a select group in the accounting industry
sue is born
sue is serving up the easter bunny this year
sue is largely responsible for coordinating and scheduling activities of bbi international president mike bryan
sue is not an exclusively female phenomenon
sue is vigilant in ensuring that the children's needs are met
sue is an examiner for
sue is a pot plant that has a built
sue is basically an avatar
sue is a pet
sue is so good that she plays her flute at weddings
sue is for sale
sue is currently under the "care" of the south dakota school of mines and technology staff at the museum of geology
sue is the perky
sue is taught to see herself within victorian sexual ideology
sue is basically wish fulfillment
sue is susannah weaver and a band of local professionals
sue is always ready to help students get their paperwork done for graduation
sue is having twins
sue is a real estate agent that is known in the community of brunswick for their dedicated client service
sue is friendly and loves to converse with her members
sue is working very well
sue is the biggest thing to hit union station since the titanic set sail
sue is a trained mechanic
sue is remarkable because of her size
sue is correct
sue is one of our many world
sue is actually a lesbian
sue is in the hospi tal
sue is out in the snow
sue is an icon
sue is concerned about global warming
sue is available for clinics and lessons at home and abroad and explains in plain english
sue is mother of john
sue is focusing on the season and improving her game
sue is one of disney's top booking agents in the northeastern us
sue is my best friend
sue is alive and well 17 quilts featuring sunbonnet sue and overall sam autori
sue is the light of my life
sue is battling her own depression
sue is taking the league by
sue is the mother of four children
sue is revision 2 of the same program
sue is sane
sue is a graduate of western michigan university
sue is
sue is a very special dinosaur
sue is?
sue is unconscious
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
|
Monday, July 25, 2005
|
Sunday, July 24, 2005
|
Saturday, July 23, 2005
it's interesting to me that the main treatment for BPD uses elements drawn from Zen. I've been thinking for a while now about going to live in Zen monastery. it's always been something I've kept filed away in the back of my head in a glass-fronted case marked "Break Glass in Case of Emergency."
maybe not so filed away, now.
|
maybe not so filed away, now.
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
|
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
Poem for Monday, July 18, 2005
(late, sorry)
It's Yevgeny Yevtushenko's birthday.
"Birthday"
by Yevgeny Yevtushenko
Mother, let me congratulate you on
the birthday of your son.
You worry so much about him. Here he lies,
he earns little, his marriage was unwise,
he's long, he's getting thin, he hasn't shaved.
Oh, what a miserable loving gaze!
I should congratulate you if I may
mother on your worry's birthday.
It was from you he inherited
devotion without pity to this age
and arrogant and awkward in his faith
from you he took his faith, the Revolution.
You didn't make him prosperous or famous,
and fearlessness is his only talent.
Open up his windows,
let in the twittering in the leafy branches,
kiss his eyes open.
Give him his notebook and his ink bottle,
give him a drink of milk and watch him go.
Burke's Book Store
1719 Poplar Avenue
Memphis, TN 38104
(901) 278-7484
www.burkesbooks.com
|
(late, sorry)
It's Yevgeny Yevtushenko's birthday.
"Birthday"
by Yevgeny Yevtushenko
Mother, let me congratulate you on
the birthday of your son.
You worry so much about him. Here he lies,
he earns little, his marriage was unwise,
he's long, he's getting thin, he hasn't shaved.
Oh, what a miserable loving gaze!
I should congratulate you if I may
mother on your worry's birthday.
It was from you he inherited
devotion without pity to this age
and arrogant and awkward in his faith
from you he took his faith, the Revolution.
You didn't make him prosperous or famous,
and fearlessness is his only talent.
Open up his windows,
let in the twittering in the leafy branches,
kiss his eyes open.
Give him his notebook and his ink bottle,
give him a drink of milk and watch him go.
Burke's Book Store
1719 Poplar Avenue
Memphis, TN 38104
(901) 278-7484
www.burkesbooks.com
Monday, July 18, 2005
fun with borderline personality disorder
if i had a trust fund, or even decent insurance, i could take a real nice little vacation at mclean. hell, even st francis'd be nice.
instead i sit and freeze on the top floor of the library, watching traffic on poplar and walnut grove, wondering how much more of this i can take.
that's ok; my will is good...
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if i had a trust fund, or even decent insurance, i could take a real nice little vacation at mclean. hell, even st francis'd be nice.
instead i sit and freeze on the top floor of the library, watching traffic on poplar and walnut grove, wondering how much more of this i can take.
that's ok; my will is good...
Sunday, July 17, 2005
on sisyphus
"it is what he thinks of during his descent..." -Camus
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"it is what he thinks of during his descent..." -Camus
on the way down I wonder
what would happen
if I refused to pick it back up.
Sunday, July 10, 2005
"a decent society is one which does not humiliate its members"-Zapatero, Spain's president
a few days ago my grandfather sent me a horrifyingly offensive email forward, full of jingoistic propaganda claiming that the "muslim world" has attacked the US because of their "envy of our position, our success, and our freedoms..."
I'm wondering exactly which freedoms they are referring to.
Spain's just passed a law legalizing same sex marriage. Canada is expecting a similar law in the next few weeks.
We're living in the only "first-world" country that does not provide universal healthcare to its citizens.
we allow religious fanatics to lock their children up in "ministries" that promise to make god-fearing church members out of their rebellious drug-abusing or queer teens.
our schools are pathetically underfunded, our air and water are polluted, our meat is is tainted, and there's a dead zone the size of New Jersey in the gulf of Mexico from the pesticide runoffs from our farms.
my friends are sure that they are being bugged and won't speak freely in public places. patriot act and all.
kids get the shit beat out of them for being who they are. it's an inevitable thing around here, you're gonna get picked on, beat up, discriminated against.
some success. some freedoms.
I'm tired, I'm sick, and things just get worse.
|
a few days ago my grandfather sent me a horrifyingly offensive email forward, full of jingoistic propaganda claiming that the "muslim world" has attacked the US because of their "envy of our position, our success, and our freedoms..."
I'm wondering exactly which freedoms they are referring to.
Spain's just passed a law legalizing same sex marriage. Canada is expecting a similar law in the next few weeks.
We're living in the only "first-world" country that does not provide universal healthcare to its citizens.
we allow religious fanatics to lock their children up in "ministries" that promise to make god-fearing church members out of their rebellious drug-abusing or queer teens.
our schools are pathetically underfunded, our air and water are polluted, our meat is is tainted, and there's a dead zone the size of New Jersey in the gulf of Mexico from the pesticide runoffs from our farms.
my friends are sure that they are being bugged and won't speak freely in public places. patriot act and all.
kids get the shit beat out of them for being who they are. it's an inevitable thing around here, you're gonna get picked on, beat up, discriminated against.
some success. some freedoms.
I'm tired, I'm sick, and things just get worse.
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
about damn time
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"The White House is completely disconnected from reality..."
Republican Senator Chuck Hagel, via al-Jazeera
Monday, July 04, 2005
Poem for Monday, July 4, 2005
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Jar of Fireflies
by Charles Simic
In the first dark,
Someone is there
Under the trees.
The hands flare
And the face.
But not long enough
To see who it is.
That is why I listen
For approaching steps
And hear only
The wind worrying
The dark leaves.
Happy July 4th, Independence Day. Shop your locally owned, independent bookstores.
Burke's Book Store
1719 Poplar Avenue
Memphis, TN 38104
(901) 278-7484
www.burkesbooks.com
Winner of Best of Memphis in Memphis Flyer
for 7 Straight Years
Friday, July 01, 2005
proud to be a mac owner
Steve Job's commencement address to Stanford:
"Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish."
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Steve Job's commencement address to Stanford:
"Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish."
via PulpFaction.
cutter (a fragment)
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each scar is a mouth,
swollen with tooth-sharp words.
some secrets bite, and bite deep.
they surface from skin
shocking as earthworms
that curl, wounded, under bare feet.
Monday, June 27, 2005
the worst thing about fibromyalgia is that it makes me crazy. the worse i feel in my body, the worse i feel inside my head. i sleep 12 hours a night and wake up exhausted, even with extra seroquel.
wah wah wah. poor me.
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wah wah wah. poor me.
Sunday, June 26, 2005
I think I'm losing my mind this time; this time, I'm losing my mind
it's a very strange feeling to have an audience while having a nervous breakdown.
the whole Love in Action thing has stirred up a lot of bad memories. it's been really rough lately, trying to keep my shit together, knowing eventually I'm gonna fall apart again. only this time they've taken away the safety net.
it's hard, knowing that MMHI is the only place I'll end up if it gets too bad to keep living in the real world.
fun with borderline personality disorder. temper tantrums, a soul-tearing fear of abandonment, violent mood swings. the nearly tangible sensation of imagining all the seroquel i own in my mouth.
binge eating. lack of faith in the future. inability to balance checkbook or pay bills on time.
second chance fucked me up.
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it's a very strange feeling to have an audience while having a nervous breakdown.
the whole Love in Action thing has stirred up a lot of bad memories. it's been really rough lately, trying to keep my shit together, knowing eventually I'm gonna fall apart again. only this time they've taken away the safety net.
it's hard, knowing that MMHI is the only place I'll end up if it gets too bad to keep living in the real world.
fun with borderline personality disorder. temper tantrums, a soul-tearing fear of abandonment, violent mood swings. the nearly tangible sensation of imagining all the seroquel i own in my mouth.
binge eating. lack of faith in the future. inability to balance checkbook or pay bills on time.
second chance fucked me up.
the weekend of thanksgiving 1993 I waited til everyone had fallen asleep and then out the door wearing on everything i owned. heartbeat in ears running down hotel corridors and out into the night. 38 degrees or so trying to get warm under the 240/poplar overpass. huddled up under the briges wrapped in newsprint thinking maybe, maybe i'll be able to hitch back home to atlanta.
picked up by security guards in the parking lot of st francis. huddled up next to heating vents trying to get warm. newsprint blankets. hundreds of miles from home. counting hours.
trying to get warm.
when they came to pick me up in the morning from juvenile court i didnt want to leave. 13 and didnt give a shit about the future, just wanted to be able to pee alone.
they dragged me out. i kept grabbing the officers' legs. if i hit one of y'all can i stay.
you're just a pathetic little druggie and you need to get honest with yourself and work your program.
so not over it.
not at all.
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picked up by security guards in the parking lot of st francis. huddled up next to heating vents trying to get warm. newsprint blankets. hundreds of miles from home. counting hours.
trying to get warm.
when they came to pick me up in the morning from juvenile court i didnt want to leave. 13 and didnt give a shit about the future, just wanted to be able to pee alone.
they dragged me out. i kept grabbing the officers' legs. if i hit one of y'all can i stay.
you're just a pathetic little druggie and you need to get honest with yourself and work your program.
so not over it.
not at all.
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
god bless you, Margaret Cho
so many thousands of people showing so much support. hang in there, kiddo
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so many thousands of people showing so much support. hang in there, kiddo
Monday, June 20, 2005
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Sunday, June 19, 2005
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Wednesday, June 15, 2005
wow
take this, homophobics:
Old Testament
Leviticus 18:22
Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination. ASV
Correct Hebrew translation: "and with a male thou shalt not lie down in beds of a woman; it is an abomination".
It can be seen that, rather than forbidding male homosexuality, it simply restricts where it may occur. Culturally, a woman's bed was her own. Other than the woman herself, only her husband was permitted in her bed, and there were even restrictions on when he was allowed in there. Any other use of her bed would have been considered defilement. Other verses in the Law will help clarify the acceptable use of the woman's bed.
Leviticus 20:13
13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them. KJV
Correct Hebrew translation: "And a man who will lie down with a male in beds of a woman, both of them have made an abomination; dying they will die. Their blood is on them.
Again it can be seen that, rather than forbidding male homosexuality, it simply restricts where it may occur. Culturally, a woman's bed was her own. Other than the woman herself, only her husband was permitted in her bed, and there were even restrictions on when he was allowed in there. Any other use of her bed would have been considered defilement. Other verses in the Law will help clarify the acceptable use of the woman's bed.
I Samuel 18
1 Sam 18:3-4 Then Jonathan and David made a covenant, because he loved him as his own soul. And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was upon him, and gave it to David, and his garments, even to his sword, and to his bow, and to his girdle. KJV
In this passage it speaks of an "immediate bond of love", their souls being "in unison," their souls being "knit". Genesis 2:7, as written in the original Hebrew, describes how God blew the spirit into the body of Adam that God had formed from earth, so that Adam became a living soul. This means that "soul", in the ancient Israelite times and in the Old Testament Hebrew, represents a combination of body and spirit. Thus the two men appear to have loved each other both physically and spiritually. I Samuel 18:3-4 also tell us that Jonathan and David made a covenant, and that, to seal the covenant, Jonathan took off all the things he was wearing and gave them to David. The things he took off tell us a lot about the covenant itself. He took off his sword and bow and gave them to David, signifying that he intended to protect David. But it went further than that. By taking off all his clothes, he signified a much deeper and more intense relationship. Had this not been the start of a physical, sexual relationship, Jonathan's actions would have been considered bizarre indeed, by the standards of their day, or ours.4
1 Sam 18:21 And Saul said, I will give him her, that she may be a snare to him, and that the hand of the Philistines may be against him. Wherefore Saul said to David, Thou shalt this day be my son-in-law a second time. ASV
1 Sam 18:21 And Saul said, I will give him her, that she may be a snare to him, and that the hand of the Philistines may be against him. Wherefore Saul said to David, Thou shalt this day be my son in law in the one of the twain. KJV
Notice that "the one of" is in italics in the KJV. That means they are not found in the Hebrew text. In fact, they are not even hinted at in the Hebrew text. Adding them completely changed the meaning of the verse. Verse 21 proves that Jonathan and David's covenant was a marriage covenant, and that Saul recognized the marriage, since, beside Michal, David had no marriage covenant with any of Saul's other children. Although he was supposed to marry Saul's daughter Merab, that never happened. Therefore, the only two of Saul's children he had covenants with were Jonathan and Michal. Just as a point of information, Hebrew has no word for "son-in-law". The Hebrew word used in the verse is a verb which means "to be related by marriage". Since Saul used the verb in connection with David's impending marriage to Michal, it is clear that the relationship he referred to was indeed son-in-law.
Also notice that King Saul didn't draw any distinction between David's marriage to Jonathan and his impending marriage to Michal. Although Saul didn't approve of the marriage between the two men, 1 Sam 20:30, he still recognized it as a marriage, and not just two men living together.
I Samuel 20
I Samuel 20:30 "Then Saul's anger burned toward Jonathan, and he said to him, Thou son of the perversion of rebelliousness! Don't I know that thou has chosen the son of Jesse to thine own confusion (see note) and the confusion of thy mother's *****?" (see note below)
Confusion - The word confusion has a somewhat different meaning here than the one we usually use. Rather than meaning "being confused," it refers instead to being undone or frustrated in purpose. What Saul was saying was that by choosing David, Jonathan was a rebellious son who was confounding his own future, as well as the very reason that Saul and Jonathan's mother had conceived him, that is, to ascend to the throne of Israel when his father died. Saul expounded on this in verse 31, and then offered to "remedy" the situation by having David killed. Saul's annoyance with his son's choice had nothing to do with David's gender, but only reflected the fact that as long as David was alive, Jonathan would never be king of Israel.
***** There is no polite English word for the phrase King Saul used. He used a graphic and vulgar term for the female genitalia.
1 Sam 20:41
And as soon as the lad was gone, David arose out of a place toward the south, and fell on his face to the ground, and bowed himself three times: and they kissed one another, and wept one with another, until David exceeded. KJV
Correct Hebrew translation:
I Samuel 20:41 "As soon as the boy was gone, David arose from the south, and fell on his face to the ground, and bowed three times. They kissed each other, and wept together, until David experienced an erection." (Hebrew: "became large")3
II Samuel 1:26
I am distressed for thee, my brother Jonathan: very pleasant hast thou been unto me: thy love to me was wonderful, passing the love of women. KJV
David expressed his love for the late Jonathan. Please understand that when David referred to the love of women, the only possible love he could be referring to was sexual love. It was considered highly improper for a man to have any type of platonic friendship with a woman. Men and women usually didn't even speak to each other in public. Even a husband and wife would not speak to each other in the street. (The Chassidic Jews still observe this custom.) Since David would not have had any platonic relationships with women, he could only have been referring to sexual interaction. This is further indication of the sexual nature of his relationship with Jonathan, since it would not make sense to compare a platonic relationship with a man to a sexual relationship with a woman. David clearly preferred the love of Jonathan. Nowhere in scripture will you find David expressing such love for a woman. Although he married more than once, and fathered children, he never expressed such love for any of his wives.
taken from this incredibly informative site.
still reading, Mom and Dad? maybe you should study hebrew so you can learn what your Bible REALLY says.
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|
take this, homophobics:
Old Testament
Leviticus 18:22
Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination. ASV
Correct Hebrew translation: "and with a male thou shalt not lie down in beds of a woman; it is an abomination".
It can be seen that, rather than forbidding male homosexuality, it simply restricts where it may occur. Culturally, a woman's bed was her own. Other than the woman herself, only her husband was permitted in her bed, and there were even restrictions on when he was allowed in there. Any other use of her bed would have been considered defilement. Other verses in the Law will help clarify the acceptable use of the woman's bed.
Leviticus 20:13
13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them. KJV
Correct Hebrew translation: "And a man who will lie down with a male in beds of a woman, both of them have made an abomination; dying they will die. Their blood is on them.
Again it can be seen that, rather than forbidding male homosexuality, it simply restricts where it may occur. Culturally, a woman's bed was her own. Other than the woman herself, only her husband was permitted in her bed, and there were even restrictions on when he was allowed in there. Any other use of her bed would have been considered defilement. Other verses in the Law will help clarify the acceptable use of the woman's bed.
I Samuel 18
1 Sam 18:3-4 Then Jonathan and David made a covenant, because he loved him as his own soul. And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was upon him, and gave it to David, and his garments, even to his sword, and to his bow, and to his girdle. KJV
In this passage it speaks of an "immediate bond of love", their souls being "in unison," their souls being "knit". Genesis 2:7, as written in the original Hebrew, describes how God blew the spirit into the body of Adam that God had formed from earth, so that Adam became a living soul. This means that "soul", in the ancient Israelite times and in the Old Testament Hebrew, represents a combination of body and spirit. Thus the two men appear to have loved each other both physically and spiritually. I Samuel 18:3-4 also tell us that Jonathan and David made a covenant, and that, to seal the covenant, Jonathan took off all the things he was wearing and gave them to David. The things he took off tell us a lot about the covenant itself. He took off his sword and bow and gave them to David, signifying that he intended to protect David. But it went further than that. By taking off all his clothes, he signified a much deeper and more intense relationship. Had this not been the start of a physical, sexual relationship, Jonathan's actions would have been considered bizarre indeed, by the standards of their day, or ours.4
1 Sam 18:21 And Saul said, I will give him her, that she may be a snare to him, and that the hand of the Philistines may be against him. Wherefore Saul said to David, Thou shalt this day be my son-in-law a second time. ASV
1 Sam 18:21 And Saul said, I will give him her, that she may be a snare to him, and that the hand of the Philistines may be against him. Wherefore Saul said to David, Thou shalt this day be my son in law in the one of the twain. KJV
Notice that "the one of" is in italics in the KJV. That means they are not found in the Hebrew text. In fact, they are not even hinted at in the Hebrew text. Adding them completely changed the meaning of the verse. Verse 21 proves that Jonathan and David's covenant was a marriage covenant, and that Saul recognized the marriage, since, beside Michal, David had no marriage covenant with any of Saul's other children. Although he was supposed to marry Saul's daughter Merab, that never happened. Therefore, the only two of Saul's children he had covenants with were Jonathan and Michal. Just as a point of information, Hebrew has no word for "son-in-law". The Hebrew word used in the verse is a verb which means "to be related by marriage". Since Saul used the verb in connection with David's impending marriage to Michal, it is clear that the relationship he referred to was indeed son-in-law.
Also notice that King Saul didn't draw any distinction between David's marriage to Jonathan and his impending marriage to Michal. Although Saul didn't approve of the marriage between the two men, 1 Sam 20:30, he still recognized it as a marriage, and not just two men living together.
I Samuel 20
I Samuel 20:30 "Then Saul's anger burned toward Jonathan, and he said to him, Thou son of the perversion of rebelliousness! Don't I know that thou has chosen the son of Jesse to thine own confusion (see note) and the confusion of thy mother's *****?" (see note below)
Confusion - The word confusion has a somewhat different meaning here than the one we usually use. Rather than meaning "being confused," it refers instead to being undone or frustrated in purpose. What Saul was saying was that by choosing David, Jonathan was a rebellious son who was confounding his own future, as well as the very reason that Saul and Jonathan's mother had conceived him, that is, to ascend to the throne of Israel when his father died. Saul expounded on this in verse 31, and then offered to "remedy" the situation by having David killed. Saul's annoyance with his son's choice had nothing to do with David's gender, but only reflected the fact that as long as David was alive, Jonathan would never be king of Israel.
***** There is no polite English word for the phrase King Saul used. He used a graphic and vulgar term for the female genitalia.
1 Sam 20:41
And as soon as the lad was gone, David arose out of a place toward the south, and fell on his face to the ground, and bowed himself three times: and they kissed one another, and wept one with another, until David exceeded. KJV
Correct Hebrew translation:
I Samuel 20:41 "As soon as the boy was gone, David arose from the south, and fell on his face to the ground, and bowed three times. They kissed each other, and wept together, until David experienced an erection." (Hebrew: "became large")3
II Samuel 1:26
I am distressed for thee, my brother Jonathan: very pleasant hast thou been unto me: thy love to me was wonderful, passing the love of women. KJV
David expressed his love for the late Jonathan. Please understand that when David referred to the love of women, the only possible love he could be referring to was sexual love. It was considered highly improper for a man to have any type of platonic friendship with a woman. Men and women usually didn't even speak to each other in public. Even a husband and wife would not speak to each other in the street. (The Chassidic Jews still observe this custom.) Since David would not have had any platonic relationships with women, he could only have been referring to sexual interaction. This is further indication of the sexual nature of his relationship with Jonathan, since it would not make sense to compare a platonic relationship with a man to a sexual relationship with a woman. David clearly preferred the love of Jonathan. Nowhere in scripture will you find David expressing such love for a woman. Although he married more than once, and fathered children, he never expressed such love for any of his wives.
taken from this incredibly informative site.
still reading, Mom and Dad? maybe you should study hebrew so you can learn what your Bible REALLY says.
Monday, June 13, 2005
o superman
signs of depression:
spending hours in bed reading and on myspace
letting dishes fester in sink
havent vacuumed or swept in 2 weeks
sleep for 10 hours and still feel exhausted
body pain
listening to laurie anderson on repeat
i feel fine. don't really feel anything. reckless, if anything.
interview is in 3.5 hours. i hurt all over. crappity crap crap.
here come the planes
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signs of depression:
spending hours in bed reading and on myspace
letting dishes fester in sink
havent vacuumed or swept in 2 weeks
sleep for 10 hours and still feel exhausted
body pain
listening to laurie anderson on repeat
i feel fine. don't really feel anything. reckless, if anything.
interview is in 3.5 hours. i hurt all over. crappity crap crap.
here come the planes
Saturday, June 11, 2005
that's ok; my will is good
inevitably it comes back to this: is the person I am on Meds ME? and if she is, why do I rebel against her so strongly?
I'm so very tired of all of this fighting against this. this has got to be the 20 somethingth medication I've taken and basically if I take I high enough dose to be effective i go through a radical personality (both emotional and physical change.
I just want ot be me and be ok with that.
you can hide 'neath your covers and study your pain
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inevitably it comes back to this: is the person I am on Meds ME? and if she is, why do I rebel against her so strongly?
I'm so very tired of all of this fighting against this. this has got to be the 20 somethingth medication I've taken and basically if I take I high enough dose to be effective i go through a radical personality (both emotional and physical change.
I just want ot be me and be ok with that.
you can hide 'neath your covers and study your pain
Friday, June 10, 2005
the protest continues...
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for further news about the Love in Action protest, go here.
IT'S OK!
TO BE GAY!
FIGHT THE RIGHT!
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
tell it, Jimmy, tell it
"To demonstrate clearly our nation's historic commitment to protect human rights, our government needs to close down Guantanamo and the two dozen secret detention facilities run by the United States as soon as practicable."
-Jimmy Carter, via Aljazeera
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"To demonstrate clearly our nation's historic commitment to protect human rights, our government needs to close down Guantanamo and the two dozen secret detention facilities run by the United States as soon as practicable."
-Jimmy Carter, via Aljazeera
eep!
on my way out of the bank my phone started ringing. normally I don't answer the phone when I don't know the number, but after my friend Deidre told me a horror story about missing a call for an interview, I've been answering.
and to my great delight and total surprise, it was the principal at Central High School. Central is the midtown high school, that is, in the region where I live, so it's my number one choice. it's a fairly diverse school, about 80% black, 15% white, and the rest latino and asian. it's right by my favorite part of town, little Saigon.
so, da da da da DUM! I have an interview with central on Monday! the whole time I was clenaing the Pilates studio I kept jumping straight up into the air and squeaking out of excitement.
the protest against Refuge continues. hopefully I'll be able to make it out in the afternoon tomorrow and friday.
here's me being interviewed for channel 13:
"I just don't think god needs people to lock their kids up to make them love him." I was so mad I was crying, so I'm astounded I didn't come off sounding like an idiot.
according to the ABC 24 poll, 79% of memphis is against forced conversion of homosexuals. that's my city, y'all.
IT'S OK! TO BE GAY! I think I'm going to make myself a t-shirt for the pride parade on Saturday that says "I love my gay best friend." gotta represent my family, know what I mean?
gotta run. eep! Job interview! monday!
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on my way out of the bank my phone started ringing. normally I don't answer the phone when I don't know the number, but after my friend Deidre told me a horror story about missing a call for an interview, I've been answering.
and to my great delight and total surprise, it was the principal at Central High School. Central is the midtown high school, that is, in the region where I live, so it's my number one choice. it's a fairly diverse school, about 80% black, 15% white, and the rest latino and asian. it's right by my favorite part of town, little Saigon.
so, da da da da DUM! I have an interview with central on Monday! the whole time I was clenaing the Pilates studio I kept jumping straight up into the air and squeaking out of excitement.
the protest against Refuge continues. hopefully I'll be able to make it out in the afternoon tomorrow and friday.
here's me being interviewed for channel 13:
"I just don't think god needs people to lock their kids up to make them love him." I was so mad I was crying, so I'm astounded I didn't come off sounding like an idiot. according to the ABC 24 poll, 79% of memphis is against forced conversion of homosexuals. that's my city, y'all.
IT'S OK! TO BE GAY! I think I'm going to make myself a t-shirt for the pride parade on Saturday that says "I love my gay best friend." gotta represent my family, know what I mean?
gotta run. eep! Job interview! monday!
Monday, June 06, 2005
boats against the current
rereading the time traveler's wife, I am struck by this thought.
this is what it must be like to love me.
never knowing at what moment the most random of thoughts, sights, sounds, will pull me unable to resist back into the past. I wonder what my face looks like when I leave, those moments when I'm looking inside of myself, is it the face a child makes holding a shell up to her ear, straining to hear the vacated sea?
what waves break behind my eyes, I can't tell you, nor can I take you there.
born back ceaselessly into the past...
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rereading the time traveler's wife, I am struck by this thought.
this is what it must be like to love me.
never knowing at what moment the most random of thoughts, sights, sounds, will pull me unable to resist back into the past. I wonder what my face looks like when I leave, those moments when I'm looking inside of myself, is it the face a child makes holding a shell up to her ear, straining to hear the vacated sea?
what waves break behind my eyes, I can't tell you, nor can I take you there.
born back ceaselessly into the past...
