born into this mess
Wednesday, December 31, 2003
in which I tell IT
the only thing i have learned, in an entire year, just one thing, is this:
if someone makes me miserable, they are NOT The Right Person.
however, this doesn't mean I don't still want them.
|
the only thing i have learned, in an entire year, just one thing, is this:
if someone makes me miserable, they are NOT The Right Person.
however, this doesn't mean I don't still want them.
new year's resolutions
None of this Bridget Jones' Diary bullshit, now. I don't give a fuck about losing weight, smoking/drinking less, finding nonemotionallyfuckwitted boyfriend, etc.
I just want to keep my car clean.
I'd like to say it's only gotten this bad since I started cleaning other people's houses, but the truth is, I am a slob.
I'm a recycling packrat, and I tend to drink a lot of bottled juices. So there are about 20 empty juice bottles going all ferment-y. Then there's empty to go coffee cups, old newspaper, wadded up dirty cleaning rags, books from when I moved, random clothing, an ice scraper, a santa hat, broken cassette tapes, ragged newspapers. And lots and lots of crumbs and ashes.
HHRRRGUGG. That's a shudder, folks.
It's gotten to where people refuse to actually sit on the seats and demand something to put between their butts and the seat fabric.
So tomorrow, hangover willing, I am gettting up and going to the place that lets you put quarters in a vacuum out the car. Then I am wiping off the cat hair from the dashboard and gears shifts, and the spilled coffee from the cup holder.
Maybe I'll even properly install my tapeplayer instead of leaving it hanging out.
Nah.
Well, dear readers, happy new year! if you are in memphis, remember that yellow cab is 577 7777, SO DONT DrINK AND DRIVE!
|
None of this Bridget Jones' Diary bullshit, now. I don't give a fuck about losing weight, smoking/drinking less, finding nonemotionallyfuckwitted boyfriend, etc.
I just want to keep my car clean.
I'd like to say it's only gotten this bad since I started cleaning other people's houses, but the truth is, I am a slob.
I'm a recycling packrat, and I tend to drink a lot of bottled juices. So there are about 20 empty juice bottles going all ferment-y. Then there's empty to go coffee cups, old newspaper, wadded up dirty cleaning rags, books from when I moved, random clothing, an ice scraper, a santa hat, broken cassette tapes, ragged newspapers. And lots and lots of crumbs and ashes.
HHRRRGUGG. That's a shudder, folks.
It's gotten to where people refuse to actually sit on the seats and demand something to put between their butts and the seat fabric.
So tomorrow, hangover willing, I am gettting up and going to the place that lets you put quarters in a vacuum out the car. Then I am wiping off the cat hair from the dashboard and gears shifts, and the spilled coffee from the cup holder.
Maybe I'll even properly install my tapeplayer instead of leaving it hanging out.
Nah.
Well, dear readers, happy new year! if you are in memphis, remember that yellow cab is 577 7777, SO DONT DrINK AND DRIVE!
Tuesday, December 30, 2003
I think, just maybe, that this is about me.
|
about me
I'm 24. Five sixish. Between one twenty five and one thirty. I was a redhead when younger but now I'm not. Well, in some places, but not so you could tell. Brown eyes. Contact lenses. Skinny legs and freckles. I have a whole lot of ugly scars.
I have four tattoos. On my back: Picasso's drawing of Don Quixote. On my upper left arm: Death and Dream from Neil Gaiman's Sandman. Round my left forearm: the inscription from the One Ring. In the inside of my right forearm: a red heart stiched on with blue thread; the needle is stuck through the middle.
I have a BA from Rhodes College in Spanish. I dropped out of grad school at Ohio State a year and a half ago when my fiancé started seeing another girl. I am pretty fluent in Spanish, but never get to speak with anyone. I can read French well enough, and fake a semi-intelligent conversation. I can read Italian and Portuguese with a dictionary. My German is atrocious. In Arabic I can say: Hi. How are you. Fine. Thank you. You're welcome. There are no more bananas.
I clean houses. It's decent work but my boss drives me crazy. One day I'll figure shit out and get a real job.
I have a terrible reputation and I earned it.
I secretly want a boyfriend.
I believe in fairies and I sing out loud when you're not around.
|
I'm 24. Five sixish. Between one twenty five and one thirty. I was a redhead when younger but now I'm not. Well, in some places, but not so you could tell. Brown eyes. Contact lenses. Skinny legs and freckles. I have a whole lot of ugly scars.
I have four tattoos. On my back: Picasso's drawing of Don Quixote. On my upper left arm: Death and Dream from Neil Gaiman's Sandman. Round my left forearm: the inscription from the One Ring. In the inside of my right forearm: a red heart stiched on with blue thread; the needle is stuck through the middle.
I have a BA from Rhodes College in Spanish. I dropped out of grad school at Ohio State a year and a half ago when my fiancé started seeing another girl. I am pretty fluent in Spanish, but never get to speak with anyone. I can read French well enough, and fake a semi-intelligent conversation. I can read Italian and Portuguese with a dictionary. My German is atrocious. In Arabic I can say: Hi. How are you. Fine. Thank you. You're welcome. There are no more bananas.
I clean houses. It's decent work but my boss drives me crazy. One day I'll figure shit out and get a real job.
I have a terrible reputation and I earned it.
I secretly want a boyfriend.
I believe in fairies and I sing out loud when you're not around.
what keeps me up at night
My cat is really a luckdragon.
The pineapple plant signifies perfection.
Is loneliness a social disease?
Note to self: next time, don't even try to drink the last of the Vivacious Vicky that's been rolling around in the car since Saturday.
This fish needs a new job AND a bicycle.
|
My cat is really a luckdragon.
The pineapple plant signifies perfection.
Is loneliness a social disease?
Note to self: next time, don't even try to drink the last of the Vivacious Vicky that's been rolling around in the car since Saturday.
This fish needs a new job AND a bicycle.
Monday, December 29, 2003
check my look in the mirror, wanna change my clothes my hair my face
Lately I've been surprised by my face in the mirror. I gained about 6 pounds, not enough to really even make a difference. But something is more tired, or maybe built up. Like a mask, something wet and sagging and blotchy.
My whole body feels different some days, like I am wearing an extra layer of clothing or like little tiny lobsters have settled down into my wrists to lay their eggs. I feel old. old and worn out. it's just pms. right?
more than one hundred dead animals found in one man's freezer.
ten counts of animal cruelty.
fucking bastard.
|
Lately I've been surprised by my face in the mirror. I gained about 6 pounds, not enough to really even make a difference. But something is more tired, or maybe built up. Like a mask, something wet and sagging and blotchy.
My whole body feels different some days, like I am wearing an extra layer of clothing or like little tiny lobsters have settled down into my wrists to lay their eggs. I feel old. old and worn out. it's just pms. right?
more than one hundred dead animals found in one man's freezer.
ten counts of animal cruelty.
fucking bastard.
Sunday, December 28, 2003
nostalgia
One day in the fall, maybe junior year in college, I drove away from school down Lynfield and took a left on Mclean. A middle aged man stood at the end of his driveway drinking something out of a red plastic cup, the kind you buy 50 for 5 bucks for parties. His small dog, maybe a papillon or other long hair small dog with perky ears, sat at his feet, panting slightly, looking intensely content.
Funny the things you remember.
|
One day in the fall, maybe junior year in college, I drove away from school down Lynfield and took a left on Mclean. A middle aged man stood at the end of his driveway drinking something out of a red plastic cup, the kind you buy 50 for 5 bucks for parties. His small dog, maybe a papillon or other long hair small dog with perky ears, sat at his feet, panting slightly, looking intensely content.
Funny the things you remember.
Friday, December 26, 2003
Nobody's little weasel
it's funny, little things that fuck with your head. Me and A have been watching my so called life a whole lot, and it never fails to leave me feeling sad. I guess it's that I am 24 and I am still as stupid about boys as I was when I was 15.
It's been a whole year, and I still like Brian. The only boy from last year that was really worth it, and of course I fucked it up.
We all got really wasted last night, I made out with one of my girl friends, I had a nasty hangover all day, and then went and spent all my Exmas Money at Target.
Hello Kitty computer speakers, iron on transfer paper to make "girl with twigs for hands" shirts, a nice skirt with cool buckle thingys and pleats (which make me itch something fierce, what the hell is ramie?), underwear, a sweater, a closet organiser, etc etc.
I'm going to bed. I like sleeping alone best, but sometimes it's nice to be held by someone you like a whole lot. At least i have my sweet white fuzzy Tachi.
|
it's funny, little things that fuck with your head. Me and A have been watching my so called life a whole lot, and it never fails to leave me feeling sad. I guess it's that I am 24 and I am still as stupid about boys as I was when I was 15.
It's been a whole year, and I still like Brian. The only boy from last year that was really worth it, and of course I fucked it up.
We all got really wasted last night, I made out with one of my girl friends, I had a nasty hangover all day, and then went and spent all my Exmas Money at Target.
Hello Kitty computer speakers, iron on transfer paper to make "girl with twigs for hands" shirts, a nice skirt with cool buckle thingys and pleats (which make me itch something fierce, what the hell is ramie?), underwear, a sweater, a closet organiser, etc etc.
I'm going to bed. I like sleeping alone best, but sometimes it's nice to be held by someone you like a whole lot. At least i have my sweet white fuzzy Tachi.
Thursday, December 25, 2003
why I totally Rule
I just installed my new CD-R drive all by myself. Redid the whole jumper thingy too. Master and Slave, indeed.
Now I am sitting here ripping music, listening to the second movement of lift your skinny fists, fixin to find out if this thing actually works.
Then, me and the kickass roomie and her friend and possiblyly ubercool Robin the ex-phonesexoperator are gping out for post exmas drinkies at the Deli.
Wailing guitars with E-bows sounding like old women playing the saw at church when I was Bitty.
Love!
|
|
I just installed my new CD-R drive all by myself. Redid the whole jumper thingy too. Master and Slave, indeed.
Now I am sitting here ripping music, listening to the second movement of lift your skinny fists, fixin to find out if this thing actually works.
Then, me and the kickass roomie and her friend and possiblyly ubercool Robin the ex-phonesexoperator are gping out for post exmas drinkies at the Deli.
Wailing guitars with E-bows sounding like old women playing the saw at church when I was Bitty.
Love!
Wednesday, December 24, 2003
this just about says it all...
From annie mole's brilliant blog about riding on the london underground.
|
From annie mole's brilliant blog about riding on the london underground.
I hate you, IE.
Stupid bloody IE5. stupid damn css. it works ok on the preview page but now it's all backassward.
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
|
Stupid bloody IE5. stupid damn css. it works ok on the preview page but now it's all backassward.
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
home for the hellish days
Mmm, what's that smell? It's Dad, burning the bratwurst!
Today I braved the suburban traffic and went to SUPERTARGET. The parking lot was actually not that full, and I succumbed to madness and bought hugemongous quantities of Method cleaning products, some as gifts (my mom's shower gives me the heebie jeebies and I have to be bodily restrained to keep from locking myself in there with some borax and a toothbrush) and for my own use, while cleaning for the Rich a/o Busy.
It's so hard not to just WANT everything. Sonia Kashuk lipsticks, designer dust mops, really expensive styling products I'll never use, Isaak Mizrahi sweaters- it's like eating sugarcookies when you want lemongrass tofu. It makes you feel like shit; it gives you a headache and makes your teeth hurt.
And the traffic! That white line, the big thick one that cross the entire street just before the intersection? It's for stopping before! Not over or infront of! SUVs scare the bejesus out of me and I want to just go around at night putting sugar in their gas tanks.
So now I'm out at the momanddad's listening to NPR, about to watch Whale Rider. My mom keeps accosting me with perfume samples and Lord of the Rings merchandise catalogs. EESHH. I sure do hope I get some good loot this year. Lord knows I've bought enough...
On another note, I'm jumping on the bandwagon with some new links. Dammit, if they are good enought to be voted best by the Guardian, I wanna remember to read them, and adding them to my links in the only way I will.
Merry Exmas, y'all.
Holla.
|
Mmm, what's that smell? It's Dad, burning the bratwurst!
Today I braved the suburban traffic and went to SUPERTARGET. The parking lot was actually not that full, and I succumbed to madness and bought hugemongous quantities of Method cleaning products, some as gifts (my mom's shower gives me the heebie jeebies and I have to be bodily restrained to keep from locking myself in there with some borax and a toothbrush) and for my own use, while cleaning for the Rich a/o Busy.
It's so hard not to just WANT everything. Sonia Kashuk lipsticks, designer dust mops, really expensive styling products I'll never use, Isaak Mizrahi sweaters- it's like eating sugarcookies when you want lemongrass tofu. It makes you feel like shit; it gives you a headache and makes your teeth hurt.
And the traffic! That white line, the big thick one that cross the entire street just before the intersection? It's for stopping before! Not over or infront of! SUVs scare the bejesus out of me and I want to just go around at night putting sugar in their gas tanks.
So now I'm out at the momanddad's listening to NPR, about to watch Whale Rider. My mom keeps accosting me with perfume samples and Lord of the Rings merchandise catalogs. EESHH. I sure do hope I get some good loot this year. Lord knows I've bought enough...
On another note, I'm jumping on the bandwagon with some new links. Dammit, if they are good enought to be voted best by the Guardian, I wanna remember to read them, and adding them to my links in the only way I will.
Merry Exmas, y'all.
Holla.
Tuesday, December 23, 2003
I'm dreaming of a wet Exmas...
Dear Memphis weather,
You suck. Not only did you make poor old Daisy the dogsat dog go crazy and shit in the dining room at 3 AM, then run around with her nails clicking and her tongue hanging out, but you make my bones ache.
I'm not asking for much. Not, like, a foot of nice dry snow. I just don't want wet legwarmers and hurty kneejoints on Exmas. Just no more rain this week.
Sincerely,
Sue
|
Dear Memphis weather,
You suck. Not only did you make poor old Daisy the dogsat dog go crazy and shit in the dining room at 3 AM, then run around with her nails clicking and her tongue hanging out, but you make my bones ache.
I'm not asking for much. Not, like, a foot of nice dry snow. I just don't want wet legwarmers and hurty kneejoints on Exmas. Just no more rain this week.
Sincerely,
Sue
Sunday, December 21, 2003
second star to the right, and straight on til morning
When I was very small, I used to lie in bed practicing the deep calm breaths of a child sleeping so that when Peter came for me, and my mother ran into the room at the sound of the window opening, I could fool her into leaving and fly off into the night.
I kept waiting for Ozma to see me in her magic mirror making the secret signal, and then use her emerald belt to transport me to Oz.
Is there a kiss lurking in the corner of my mouth that you can't quite get to? Are the parties and the drinks and the boys worth never ever being able to fly again? Tell me one more time why it was so important that we fly back BEFORE they closed that window for good and put a new little girl in my bed.
Peter has forgotten to come get me for spring cleaning for going on twelve years now, and I am much too big for even the fairy dust to help me fly.
|
When I was very small, I used to lie in bed practicing the deep calm breaths of a child sleeping so that when Peter came for me, and my mother ran into the room at the sound of the window opening, I could fool her into leaving and fly off into the night.
I kept waiting for Ozma to see me in her magic mirror making the secret signal, and then use her emerald belt to transport me to Oz.
Is there a kiss lurking in the corner of my mouth that you can't quite get to? Are the parties and the drinks and the boys worth never ever being able to fly again? Tell me one more time why it was so important that we fly back BEFORE they closed that window for good and put a new little girl in my bed.
Peter has forgotten to come get me for spring cleaning for going on twelve years now, and I am much too big for even the fairy dust to help me fly.
Friday, December 12, 2003
frosty
Last night my new roommate's Vespa was stolen by a crackhead who had the bright idea to simply set it in his trunk, lengthwise. We're talking pretty much 100% Vespa exposure.
So Roomie A and I are asleep and her phone wakes us up at 2, and we go outside to talk to the police at 2:30 and end up going for a ride. There's a lot of stamping feet and leaning on each other as we sit by the side of the road with Memphis' Nicest Cops and wait for the Photographer to get there. The cops were very enthusiastic, totally not mean at all about A's restricted license, telling jokes and saying "motherfucker" like, every other word.
At one point they pulled the thief out of the back of the cruiser and made him apologize to A. His eyes wouldn't open, he couldn't seem to stand up straight, and he smelled very very drunk. Still, I got the impression they hadn't been very gentle with him and the cop who was holding him up kinda twisted his ear when he tried to pick up his feet and sit down on the ground, toddler tantrum style. Me and A felt kinda weird and kept really quiet during this part. I wanted to say something about police brutality except that this guy was being a total whiny baby.
Dude, "I ain't stole nothing" when you got the damn scooter hanging out of your trunk just really isn't gonna go too far.
Interesting night. One of the cops was more than happy to ride the Vespa back home since we were in PJs and it was about 30 out. He was weaving around tootling the horn at every car and having a grand ol' time.
So I don't love cops now, but it makes me feel better to know that at least the Midtown/Downtown overnight shift seem to be very enthused about busting their asses fighting crime. You can tell they read a lot of Batman as a kid.
Thanks, guys.
|
Last night my new roommate's Vespa was stolen by a crackhead who had the bright idea to simply set it in his trunk, lengthwise. We're talking pretty much 100% Vespa exposure.
So Roomie A and I are asleep and her phone wakes us up at 2, and we go outside to talk to the police at 2:30 and end up going for a ride. There's a lot of stamping feet and leaning on each other as we sit by the side of the road with Memphis' Nicest Cops and wait for the Photographer to get there. The cops were very enthusiastic, totally not mean at all about A's restricted license, telling jokes and saying "motherfucker" like, every other word.
At one point they pulled the thief out of the back of the cruiser and made him apologize to A. His eyes wouldn't open, he couldn't seem to stand up straight, and he smelled very very drunk. Still, I got the impression they hadn't been very gentle with him and the cop who was holding him up kinda twisted his ear when he tried to pick up his feet and sit down on the ground, toddler tantrum style. Me and A felt kinda weird and kept really quiet during this part. I wanted to say something about police brutality except that this guy was being a total whiny baby.
Dude, "I ain't stole nothing" when you got the damn scooter hanging out of your trunk just really isn't gonna go too far.
Interesting night. One of the cops was more than happy to ride the Vespa back home since we were in PJs and it was about 30 out. He was weaving around tootling the horn at every car and having a grand ol' time.
So I don't love cops now, but it makes me feel better to know that at least the Midtown/Downtown overnight shift seem to be very enthused about busting their asses fighting crime. You can tell they read a lot of Batman as a kid.
Thanks, guys.
Monday, December 08, 2003
happy birthday to me
Three thousand pairs of pinking shears take flight and perch on the telephone wires.
Menacing scissors, bare tree branches, and the stomach flu threatens.
A weekend of parties and I still can't get the rabbit to come out from the glove compartment. Is this love? Where are my mittens?
Twelve months, a dozen or so lovers, no stitches, just skinned knees.
Tell me you love me.
Either you do or you don't/twenty four years.
|
Three thousand pairs of pinking shears take flight and perch on the telephone wires.
Menacing scissors, bare tree branches, and the stomach flu threatens.
A weekend of parties and I still can't get the rabbit to come out from the glove compartment. Is this love? Where are my mittens?
Twelve months, a dozen or so lovers, no stitches, just skinned knees.
Tell me you love me.
Either you do or you don't/twenty four years.
Friday, December 05, 2003
calloo callay!
Oh frabjous day!
I talked with sonya joy of joys!
Then I made my favorite sweater that has fallen apart into superlong legwarmers AND made elastic garters to hold them up!
And I got a new car key and I got paid and then I got the coolest magazine ever and I bought Pirates of the Caribbean and watched About a Boy and and and
and somehow, after all these years, I really do love my mom and dad. I think part of it is me, and part of it is them. I've been gradually trying to involve them more in my life, little things like trying to explain midtown hipster culture to my mom, you know, and being gurgly about Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom, and showing them little bits of art (the ones they wouldn't find obscene)... still, I Do clear the history page after I get off the computer. no sense in their finding my blog or my livejournal...
two more wakeups til I am 24. and then, maybe, I will be grown up?
|
Oh frabjous day!
I talked with sonya joy of joys!
Then I made my favorite sweater that has fallen apart into superlong legwarmers AND made elastic garters to hold them up!
And I got a new car key and I got paid and then I got the coolest magazine ever and I bought Pirates of the Caribbean and watched About a Boy and and and
and somehow, after all these years, I really do love my mom and dad. I think part of it is me, and part of it is them. I've been gradually trying to involve them more in my life, little things like trying to explain midtown hipster culture to my mom, you know, and being gurgly about Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom, and showing them little bits of art (the ones they wouldn't find obscene)... still, I Do clear the history page after I get off the computer. no sense in their finding my blog or my livejournal...
two more wakeups til I am 24. and then, maybe, I will be grown up?
portmanteau word gurgles, misspellings, and other ickle titchies
Anyone who spends a lot of time on AIM knows all about this: you spell something wrong all the time because you type too fast or you combine words à la Jabberwocky, and then you eventually find yourself actually using these words in Real Life.
contagiate
smute (small+cute)
hugemongous
humonstrous
flittery
ezackatly
loverly
liberry
prezzie (i.e. an Xmas prezzie)
I've also noticed myself visualising certain phrases in my head when I say them, like "OMG." and I swear to god I heard this kid I know, (who incidentally IS fairly cool, in that hipster mullet white belt kinda way) actually say "JK." as in just kidding, but I mean he for real said "jay kay." EEESH. I havent heard anyone actually SAY "woot" yet, though.
this must be a sign of the times. internet geekiness is now cool. which means I must be so cool you could use me as a beer fridge.
|
|
Anyone who spends a lot of time on AIM knows all about this: you spell something wrong all the time because you type too fast or you combine words à la Jabberwocky, and then you eventually find yourself actually using these words in Real Life.
contagiate
smute (small+cute)
hugemongous
humonstrous
flittery
ezackatly
loverly
liberry
prezzie (i.e. an Xmas prezzie)
I've also noticed myself visualising certain phrases in my head when I say them, like "OMG." and I swear to god I heard this kid I know, (who incidentally IS fairly cool, in that hipster mullet white belt kinda way) actually say "JK." as in just kidding, but I mean he for real said "jay kay." EEESH. I havent heard anyone actually SAY "woot" yet, though.
this must be a sign of the times. internet geekiness is now cool. which means I must be so cool you could use me as a beer fridge.
